Tongue-in-Cheek News:

Pakistani President Defends Same Khutbah Policy

By TIC Staff Writer
Posted: 5 Zul-Qa'dah 1422, 19 January 2002

The President of Pakistan today denied reports that the government was planning to take over all the mosques and madrassahs in the country. "We do not have the resources to run them," he said. "We are not interested in running them. We are only interested in ruining them."

Addressing gathering of ulema, he also explained the rational behind the new Khutbah policy. "When we think the Same way and talk the Same way then we will also act the Same way. This will bring about real unity and progress in the country and Uncle Same will love us."

He said he could not understand the objection of the ulema to reading speeches provided by the government. "I read speeches written for me by Uncle Same. So why can't they?" he demanded.

Talking about the new model Masjid opened in Lahore, he said it was part of the plan to make Pakistan a model Islamic state. The country should expect more of the Same. Model Masjids, model school, model girls. It was all part of the Same plan.

Answering a question about handing over of alleged "terrorists" to India, he said his government would never hand over any Pakistani citizen to India. Never. Never. Never. He would strip them of Pakistani citizenship before handing them over.

Several reporters asked how the Mujahideen in Kashmir could be called terrorists when they were fighting an occupation army and not targeting civilians. Upon their insistence, the President, chief executive, and commander-in-chief said that he would forward this question to his superiors.

Dictionary Help (from

tongue-in-cheek (tngn-chk)
adj. Meant or expressed ironically or facetiously.